Suddenly Anything is Possible

Celebrating the Life of My Mother

Dear Friends:

It is with great sadness and enormous gratitude that I share with you the news about the death of my Mother, Irene Blanche Ross Rosen (maiden name: Bulmash).  She passed away on Saturday, October 31, 2009, after a long period of illness.  I am grappling with my sadness because she is gone, and opening up my heart to profound gratitude because I was blessed to have her as a mother.  She was 89 years old.  I think it is appropriate to write about my mother in this forum because who I am and what I do in the world is profoundly impacted by her teachings and her very being.

A little more than a week ago, I was able to visit her in Florida and to tell her how much I loved and appreciated her, and I was able to thank her for all that she taught me.  In a way, I was able to celebrate a "living funeral" with her.  It was an opportunity for a beautiful closure for both of us.

Mom was born in Baltimore, February 7, 1920.  She grew up in a predominantly German neighborhood and was deeply affected by the anti-Semitism she experienced as a young girl, and then subsequently by the Holocaust, in which many of our family members died. She turned it all into life lessons which she spoke and lived.  She treated people with respect and insisted that my sisters and I do the same, no matter their background, race, station in life, or sexual orientation.  Wherever she was, she treated people around her with loving-kindness.  Maureen, the Angel of God who was with Mom and Bob during her final days, and the nurse at the hospital during her final visit, pulled me aside to tell me how remarkable she was; that even in a time of great pain and fear she would always be asking how Maureen was before the Maureen could ever ask my Mom the same question. That was who she was…always…with everybody.

She taught me the Talmudic concept of Tikkun Olam..."to heal the world," and mostly two very important messages:  that bad things can happen to people because they are different and that we --  all of us -- have a responsibility to do something about it.  It is no accident that all three of her children, my two sisters and I, have spent our lives working on issues of social justice.  She was a lifelong learner, and before her eyesight failed her, she was never far from the latest book she was reading.  She was constantly sending me magazine articles, news clippings or anything else that kept me focused on learning...always learning. "Never stop learning" 
she said to me like a mantra.

When I had to stay home sick as a child, she would give me a book from the encyclopedia set and tell me to read through it that day and then she would sit with me in the evening and ask me what I had learned.  Though she was not able to go to college, because her family could only afford to send her brothers, she was a keen intellect and rose high in her career as a health statistician. I have no doubt that in another era she would have been a doctor. 

She believed deeply in community, whether it was being the den mother of the Cub Scouts, the president of the PTA or, after retiring, heading up the Maryland Club, she was the hub of connection for so many people in so many ways.



She was very connected to her Jewish identity and taught me to know about and appreciate my heritage. She had a deep and abiding faith and an unyielding belief in God, which was planted deeply in my soul, even as it may have been expressed differently in my life.



But mostly, and profoundly, my Mom was about her family.  She and my father were in love for 40 years and after he died she was blessed to find another wonderful man to love, Bob, who was such an amazing support to her in her final journey and whom she loved very much, and who I love very much as well.

 

And omigod did she love her children and grandchildren! I cannot remember a single time in my entire life when she didn't take a call from me, no matter what she was doing or whom she was with.  Anything would stop so that we could talk. When the grandchildren came she couldn't get enough of them, ever!  And the great grandchildren? Oy vey!  And she adored my wife. Her love for family was unbounded by time or space.

An amazing woman and an amazing life of family, service, contribution and faith. And with all of it, the thing that will be with me for the rest of my life will be the thing that has always been with me. My mother loved me every day of my life. I never doubted that. What a gift to always know that you are loved. 

I already miss her.

Howard

 

Work-Life Balance and the PDA

I was at the airport the other day in Houston and overheard two gentlemen discussing balance and their Blackberrys

It led me to think about life B.B. (Before Blackberry) of for your Treo users we can call it (B.T.).  I don't want to discriminate, but you get the picture.  The theme is what was life like before we could get email ANYWHERE we were?

Well a few weeks ago Blackberry had a breakdown for several hours and we saw how (probably not the for the first time for many individuals) interdependent we are.  Some companies actually expressed the fact by stating that at this point they cannot conduct business without their employees being connected via their Blackberrys. 

So, we are humans intertwined with our machines.  The question from this is:  Does having a PDA actually create more time?

My business partner, Howard said to me once that with 100 emails per day (including about 20% spam), handling email when away from the office, in route to the airport or during breaks with clients and in other opportune moments is an invaluable time multiplier.  On the other hand, for the two gentlemen that I was eavesdropping on, one stated that he would rather not have one and the other said that because he has one he feels more of a responsibility to be working even when he is at home or "off" work. 

On a plane once, a young gentleman, probably in his late 20s or early 30s said that he leaves his Blackberry at home when he is doing something personal and has a separate cellular phone that is not connected to the company, which he only shares with a select few people.  If they ask why he did not respond immediately, he simply says that his PDA was at home.  That is a pretty concious choice to make about how much work you want to always have with you.

Howard's perspective above is that the PDA helps with work-life balance, while for the gentlemen that I listened to at the airport it may actually be a hindrance; however, it seems just like a matter of perspective.

I wrote in my book The 4Ds of Work-Life Balance that balance is an individual thing and each of us creates what we need or think we need based on the extent to which we understand and prioritize needs.  There is no fixed idea of the concept.  For each person the tools they use can be leveraged in multiple directions. 

For me, there are days when my Treo is a lifesaver.  On the other hand, there are times when it is a distraction and I realize I am so attached to it that it takes my attention away from the person/people I am with.  So, for me it is simply a matter of choice whether I use the tool for what it is or as a distraction.

The same, I guess goes for us all in the A.B. (after Blackberry) world as it is full of possibilities of tools and technology that help us to "leverage time".  Nonetheless, if we want distractions, technology holds possibilities for this as well.

Is Work-Life Balance really any more than just a matter of the choices we make regarding the way we utilize tools and resources?