Suddenly Anything is Possible

Gays, Lesbians, Boy Scouts and the Conundrum of Normalcy

by Howard J. Ross, founder & chief learning officer, Cook Ross Inc.

I recently saw an interview on the news with a seemingly kind and thoughtful woman who was talking about how she was supporting the existing ban by the Boy Scouts of America on participation and leadership by LGBT individuals.  “I don't have anything against gay people,” she said, ”but I just want my son to be in a normal Christian environment.”

It occurred to me as I watched and listened to her that this was probably a good neighbor, friend and mother.  She seemed lovely.  She volunteers for the scouts. She gives generously of her own time to support the young people who are participating.  I found myself speculating that she probably participates in the PTA and her church. She is perhaps the epitome of what we might offhandedly call a “good citizen.” 

Yet, what she was saying, and what she is supporting are attitudes and policies that are anathema to what I believe.

Normalcy is a fascinating concept.  At some level, every human being needs to have a sense of normalcy.  As much as some of us think that we “walk to the beat of a different drummer,” overwhelmingly more of our lives depends on a certainty that normalcy provides for us.  Brain research shows that we respond more comfortably to things that are predictable, certain, and dependable.  Most of us have heard the phrase, “the only one who likes change is a wet baby!”  Change threatens the stability of our lives. Even when we embrace change, often we are not satisfied with the way it turns out. (Hence the saying, “You better be careful what you ask for…you might just get it.)

Social systems are built on our need for stability and consistency. As humans, we all share a fundamental orientation toward social primacy.  In 1943 Abraham Maslow created his now famous hierarchy of human needs. He hypothesized that “belonging” was the third step after we have first met our physiological needs and secondly our need for safety.  New research, however, indicates otherwise.  In 2007, Purdue University researchers wired the brain and found that “being excluded from a group triggers activity in the same regions of the brain associated with physical pain.” (Ostracism: The Kiss of Social Death, Kipling D. Williams, Purdue University, 2007)   Exclusion is painful. This makes perfect sense.  The most vulnerable and formative time of our lives is immediately after birth.  We are getting our first imprint of the word and culture around us.  One of our first lessons: unless you belong to somebody, you die.  Unambiguously, if nobody is there to take care of you, you have nothing to eat…you die.  Even if you are Romulus and Remus, you still need the wolves!

Hundreds of famous studies have demonstrated this attachment to our social systems.  We learn to go along with what people around us are doing because “fitting in” is essential to our survival.  What everybody around us is doing becomes “normal” to us.  Even at times when that “normal” behavior is outside of any core values that we might have.  Consider, for example: 

• • 160 years ago slavery was legal and “normal” in the United States and was practiced by all level of “moral” leaders;
• • 145 years ago typhoid laced blankets were distributed to Native American populations as a way to “control the threat” that they represented to westward expansion;
• • 100 years ago suffragettes were jailed for insisting on the right to vote, and Grover Cleveland, the President of the United States, said “Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.”  
• • 80 years ago many physicians believed that mental illness was a result of blood toxification and removed organs to get rid of poisons, even though 40% of the patients died from the treatment
• • 70 years ago it became “normal” for Germans to turn in their Jewish neighbors so they could be taken away to be “exterminated”
• • 60 years ago “Separate but Equal” was the law of the land, and up to 50 years ago was still regular practice in many parts of the United States (in fact, one could build a case that it still is today)
• • 50 years ago people were regularly mutilated through lobotomies
• • 45 years ago homosexuality was officially classified as a mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association

When new ways of thinking or doing things are presented, they are often treated as “ridiculous!”

• • “Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” said Harry M. Warner, Warner Brothers Pictures, in 1927
• • “There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom,”  said Robert Millikan, the Nobel Prize winner in Physics, 1923
• • In 1895, Lord Kelvin, president of The Royal Society, said “Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.”
• • Henry Ford famously said “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.”
• • “Babe Ruth made a big mistake when he gave up pitching” said Tris Speaker, Hall of Fame Outfielder, in 1921. Ruth went on to become one of the greatest hitters in baseball history.
• • John Lennon’s Aunt Mimi told him “A guitar’s alright John, but you’ll never earn your living by it!”   

The new, the different, the unusual are generally considered absurd, unreasonable, impossible, or threatening before they become real. 

Just like it was normal for only men to vote, and for African Americans to be considered only three fifths of a person, it has been long considered that being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is “not normal.”  And our institutions reflect that view:  marriage, the Boy Scouts, heath insurance and partnership benefits, even the acceptability of disparaging comments in civil discourse.  All are built on a “traditional” sense of what’s normal. 

We know that history teaches us time and again that we often look back at what was once normal and say, “What on Earth were we thinking?” Often with shame and embarrassment.

Women were really denied the vote?  What were we thinking!?!

Black people were enslaved? What were we thinking!?!

Native American people were deprived of their lands, their homes, and their culture, and murdered indiscriminately?  What were we thinking!?!

Many of the people supporting the existing Boy Scout policy are like the woman I mentioned earlier.  They are good people.  Kind people.  Good neighbors.  The kind of people you would love to have in your community.  AND, they are supporting an exclusion policy towards young boys and teens who already suffer so much social exclusion that they commit suicide four times more often than their heterosexual peers?  

What ARE they thinking!?!

I have no doubt that someday, hopefully soon, the Boys Scouts will change their policies to catch up with the Girl Scouts, who developed a non-discriminatory policy towards LGBT membership years ago.  But until they do, it would serve us to remember that “normal” is simply an arrangement by people in society to go along with a set of rules that we have inherited.  It is not Truth.  It is not morality.  And it is not divine.

And, in the case of the Boy Scouts, it is time for change.

A Reflection on the Election

by Howard J. Ross, founder & chief learning officer, Cook Ross Inc.

There are so many aspects of last night’s election that we can and will talk about (and talk about, and talk about…) but a few thoughts occurred to me this morning, both in regard to President Obama’s victory and the success of the three Marriage Equality Issues in Maryland, Maine, and Washington.

We have been hearing about how the changing demographics of our country were behind the Presidential election, and no doubt that is an important factor.  But there is something more important here that I think, as people who are committed to a healthy and just society, can and should really take to heart.  These campaigns were not won only because of demographics.  They were won because of organization. 

Years ago when I was with Saul Alinsky he repeatedly hammered home a message that impacted me deeply.  He said that our passion was great.  Our righteousness about our deeply held beliefs was important.  Our knowledge and understanding were helpful.  And our willingness to work hard was noble.  He wrote in Rules for Radicals, “The radical is that unique person who actually believes what he says. He is that person to whom the common good is the greatest personal value. He is that person who genuinely and completely believes in humankind. The radical is so completely identified with humankind that he personally shares the pain, the injustices, and the sufferings of all his fellow humans. For the radical, the bell tolls unceasingly, and every man's struggle is his fight.”  

BUT, and he couldn’t have emphasized this any more strongly. ALL OF THAT MEANS NOTHING AND WILL PRODUCE NOTHING WITHOUT ORGANIZATION AND EXECUTION!  In my experience this was so true yesterday.  Alinsky wrote, "The end is what you want, the means is how you get it. Whenever we think about social change, the question of means and ends arises. The man (or woman) of action views the issue of means and ends in pragmatic and strategic terms. He (or she) has no other problem; he (or she) thinks only of his (or her) actual resources and the possibilities of various choices of action. They ask of ends only whether they are achievable and worth the cost; of means, only whether they will work. ... The real arena is corrupt and bloody." 

The Obama campaign was meticulous, steady, and deliberate in their plan.  They designed it.  They built it out over time.  And then they executed it.  What happened was not magic.  It was not only demographics.  It was the result of  organization and execution.  The Marriage Equality campaigns were the same.  I have spent time with Marty Rouse, the Field Organizer for HRC, and he is a community organizer of the first order.  They knew exactly where they had to be, how much money they needed and who to put where…for months.  They predicted almost to the day when the opposition’s ad campaigns would start.  They knew the key players to establish relationships with.  

Of course there is always some luck involved, but it is amazing that the more we organize and the better we execute the luckier we get!

I’m sharing all of this because there are important learnings here for all of us.  We can be the most committed people in the entire world of diversity.  We can be the smartest, the most creative, the most dedicated, and the hardest working.  And we should.  But if we don’t continually develop our ability to organize ourselves and execute more and more effectively, we will never reach our potential.  That is why we must think from a systems perspective and build infrastructures that allow us to create sustainable change.  That work is how we will continue to grow individually and collectively.  

That is how we will create organizations that are effective and inclusive, and that is how we can continue to move towards a society of diversity and inclusion.

The Name of the Game is Blame

by Howard J. Ross, founder & chief learning officer, Cook Ross Inc.

Last week our house was hit by the storm like so many others.  We had three huge trees come down, taking out a portion of our front and back porches, as well as a huge mess and a power outage.

The historic storm was barely over when people were already complaining about how Pepco, our local power company, was too slow in getting the tens of thousands of power lines in millions of homes repaired.  I know that anybody can do better, yet I have to say that I am particularly sensitive to these complaints because having had Pepco as a client at times over the years, I have been witness to the unbelievable commitment and effort that their people put in during these times of unusual demand.  I have seen people work 18-20 hour shifts for days at a time, sometimes even sleeping in their offices.  I know that in order to have the number of people they would need to deal with an emergency like this, they would require hundreds of staff whom they don’t need every day.  In other words, our rates would have to be much higher to accommodate all of these people waiting around for a “super storm” to come.  Would people really go for that?

But this tendency to look for somebody to blame is not limited to the storm.  I was in London last week on business when a banking scandal emerged that involved Barclays Bank.  Before the ink was even dry on the newspaper, the cry began for the head of Barclays’ CEO Bob Diamond, who eventually did resign.  Maybe he should have.  I don’t claim to know.  But I am pretty sure that very few of the people shouting the demand at that time, or even now, have any idea if or why Diamond was at fault. 

I watch the unfolding presidential campaign, and even participate in conversations about it, and see all of us pointing fingers at the other party.  “It’s their fault!”  “THEY are being too partisan.”  And we are both right.

My point is not about any of these specific circumstances, because the reality is there could be hundreds of examples.  What I am really speaking to is our profound addiction to blame.  I see it primarily from my perspective as an American.  We see it every day.  Whenever anything happens that is wrong, our first reaction seems to be, “Who’s at fault?”  “Who can we blame?”  “Who will take the fall for this?”

I can’t help but see the difference between our response and the responses of people in developing countries that experience far more tragedy and far more difficulty than we do and yet seem to deal with it so differently.  Some of my neighbors were already apoplectic after a day without electricity; in India I spent time in villages where people get electricity only 2 hours each morning and 2 hours each evening.  We complain about our flights being an hour late, while in developing countries, or in poor sections of our own, people drive or take buses for hours longer because they can’t afford the miraculous experience of getting into a multi-ton vehicle and flying 6-7 miles above the ground!

And instead of looking for solutions to our combined needs of taking care of our citizens and managing our financial resources appropriately, politicians in this election cycle will spend almost all of their time blaming somebody else for the situation we are in.

Blame and guilt are a function of our inability to deal with life; an inability to accept that life has its ups and downs.  Are people sometimes at fault?  Of course.  But should it always be the first place we go when something is difficult, uncomfortable, or even tragic? Sometimes storms come, and planes crash, and people steal.  Sometimes the weather is hotter than we would like, and sometimes it is colder.  As hard as it is for some to believe, that is not the fault of the weatherman.  That is life. Perhaps before we start the next witch-hunt for “who’s at fault?’” we might take a look at our own reaction; at the incredible entitlement that is underneath it.  The little voice that says to the heavens, “How dare you inconvenience me!!”

The irony is that so much of this is unrealistic.  The world is factually not nearly as bleak as we think.  As Freed Zakaria recently spoke about at Harvard’s commencement, there is far more to celebrate in the world than we might realize. 

For example, for all of our concern about war, we actually are living in the most peaceful time in human history.  Fewer people will die from war this decade than any decade, ever!

And so perhaps we might start with gratitude.  I am immensely grateful that with all of the mess at my house nobody was hurt.  I am grateful that even though my plane back from London was delayed an hour, we still made it back safely and much faster than our ancestors who had to spend weeks on a boat to make the same trip.  I’m grateful that we have measures in place that allow us to identify people when they do wrong things, and I don't feel the need to blame an entire business for the wrong doing of a few of its employees.

On the plane back from London, I watched a lovely movie- The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.  The story is about a young man in India who inherited a hotel from his father and has a plan to bring over retirees from England to live out their final days.  The hotel is in disrepair and the retirees have various different reactions.  One, a character played by Tom Wilkinson, takes right to the city, where he had grown up.  One of the others hates it there and finally asks Wilkinson’s character, “What do you see in this place?”  His answer speaks to the heart of what I’m trying to say.  Speaking of Indians he says, “They see life as a privilege, not as a right.”

Something to think about.

Cook Ross Diversity & Inclusion News, Coups & Ooohs

ReInventing Diversity for the 21st Century
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Adam Bender, 8, is one of several kids who plays catcher in Southeastern’s rookie league at Veterans Park. What makes Adam stand out is that he plays one of the toughest positions on the field with only one leg. Because of cancer, he had his left leg amputated when he was one. Adam doesn’t use a prosthesis, and only uses crutches when he reaches base for the Astros.

Turning Diversity into Dollars
The NAA Foundation asked Leading Edge Associates to examine best-practice firms to learn how they create positive business results by incorporating principles of diversity and inclusion. Six key principals emerged. Click for more...

Why Diversity, Why Now?
According to PriceWaterhouseCoopers, forward-thinking leaders, recognize the need to invest in diversity and inclusion as part of their overall talent management practices and to continually challenge their organizations to make the connection between those principles and their corporate performance. Click for more...

U.S. to Extend Its Job Benefits to Gay Partners
President Obama will sign a presidential memorandum to extend benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees, but he will stop short of pledging full health insurance coverage. Click for more...

In the Newsroom: Hispanic, Latino or What?
A 2006 survey by the Pew Hispanic Center found that 48% of Latino adults generally describe themselves by their country of origin first; 26% generally use the terms Latino or Hispanic first; and 24% generally call themselves American on first reference. As for a preference between “Hispanic” and “Latino”, a 2008 Center survey found that 36% of respondents prefer the term “Hispanic,” 21% prefer the term “Latino” and the rest have no preference. Click for more...

Voices Reflect Rising Sense of Racial Optimism
More Americans indicated that they were feeling optimistic about race relations, yet no one claimed that racial prejudice has disappeared. Click for more... 

Gay in the Academy
As conditions have improved in the nation, so too has the academic world become a bit better for scholars who identify as G, L, and sometimes Q (though there is still a long way to go for B and especially T). Click for more...

Women Bullying Women at Work
A good 40 percent of workplace bullies are women. At least the male bullies take an egalitarian approach, mowing down men and women pretty much in equal measure. The women appear to prefer their own kind, choosing other women as targets more than 70 percent of the time. Click for more...

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Workplace Diversity -- Practice and Research
George Mason University School of Management 3rd Annual Diversity Conference
Join diversity professionals of all backgrounds—corporate leaders, managers, academics, researchers—to explore the latest best practices and research in diversity management and business education specific to cultural competency in the workplace. Keynote speakers include: Howard Ross, Founder and Chief Learning Officer, Cook Ross Inc. "What is Cultural Competency? Setting the Boundaries" and Chris Earley, Dean, University of Connecticut School of Business, "Cultural Intelligence and Discovering Underlying Capabilities for Sojourners". Click for more...
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First Disney Princess Has Fans and Detractors
For the first time in Walt Disney animation history, the fairest of them all is black. The debate surrounding “The Princess and the Frog” illustrates how difficult it is to deal with race in animation, experts say. Cartoons by their nature trade in caricatures. Click for more...

Limited Progress for Minority Football Coaches
USA TODAY examined diversity at the highest ranks of major-college football coaching, about 3.5% of head coaches and 5% of offensive and defensive coordinators were minorities. Click for more...

Moving Beyond “Cosmetic Diversity”
The Wall Street Journal turned the tables on the presidents of 10 top colleges and universities with an unusual assignment: answer an essay question from their own school's application. Colin Diver, president of Reed College , wrote, "Did I really understand what it means to live in a diverse neighborhood? Or did I just want cosmetic diversity as a backdrop for imposing my white, professional-class ways?" Click for more...

Times Are Changing: Gender and Generation at Work and at Home
A new report from Families and Work Institute details the blending of gender roles among Millennials. Click for more...

The Trouble with Diversity
Celebrating the diversity of American life has become the American left's way of accepting their poverty, of accepting inequality. Our current notion of cultural diversity -- trumpeted as the repudiation of racism and biological essentialism -- in fact grew out of and perpetuates the very concepts it congratulates itself on having escaped. Click for more...

**Headscratcher of the Week**
U.S. Senator called “That Jew”
An Arkansas state lawmaker hoping for the a nod to run for Senate reportedly referred to Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer as "that Jew" during an appearance before a Republican group.

**Wise Words of Inclusion**
“We take our colors, chameleon-like, from each other.” -Sebastien-Roch-Nicolas de Chamfort, writer (1741-1794)

Cook Ross Diversity & Inclusion News, Coups & Ooohs

ReInventing Diversity for the 21st Century
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United Airlines to Start Charging Obese for Two Seats, or Bump Them from Packed Flights
Passengers who are too large to fit comfortably in a single coach seat will be required to buy two tickets on the next flight or upgrade to business class, where seats are larger, if United's flight attendants can't find two open seats for them. Click for more...

Diversity Linked to Increased Sales Revenue and Profits, More Customers Workplace diversity is among the most important predictors of a business' sales revenue, customer numbers and profitability, according to research to be published in the April issue of the American Sociological Review. Click for more...

Obama’s Press Office Needs Diversity According to Roland Martin, while we hold the media accountable for the need to diversify their ranks, it's quite telling to see the lack of diversity in the White House's press office. Click for more...

ADA Convenes Major Summit on Finding Dental Care Access Solutions The American Dental Association’s first Access to Dental Care Summit recently gathered 144 stakeholders from a dozen diverse groups to share ideas, brainstorm and work collaboratively to improve access to dental care. Howard Ross, Founder of Cook Ross, Inc. facilitated this Future Search conference. The ADA convened the summit to create a common vision, to increase access to dental care and improve the oral health of underserved populations. Click for more...

Billboard: Gay Rights are Civil Rights One of two new billboards along a Charleston, S.C. freeway has two water fountains with one labeled “straight” and one labeled “gay” -- a reference to the days of segregation of whites and blacks in every facet of daily life -- with the tagline “Gay Rights Are Civil Rights.” Click for more...

Student Sports Fans and Bigoted Attitudes College students who are serious about their identification with their institution’s football and men’s basketball teams are more likely than other students to have homophobic and sexist attitudes. Click for more...

Ex-Klan Supporter Wants to Get to Heaven Elwin Wilson is a sad, sickly man haunted by time. He feels confused. He cannot fully answer the lingering questions, the doubts. Where did all the hate come from? And where did it go? Click for more...

Orientation for Whites? Mount Holyoke tries possibly unique approach to the controversy over programs for incoming minority students by adding section for those who are in the majority. Click for more...

**Headscratcher of the Week**

Texas Lawmaker Suggests Asians Adopt Easier Names
A North Texas legislator during testimony on voter identification legislation said Asian-descent voters should adopt names that are easier for Americans to deal with. Click for more...